Its been a wk since the new year and my brain is at the brink of bursting. I've dozens of thoughts vroomin thru and its jus gettin me all depressed and confused:(
* i'm broke. i hate it when im broke. broke. broke. broke. the worst is..i was given loads of money this month. I wldnt have minded if i had invested with da dough. its jus that..nethin purposeful had emerged outta it and that drives me c-R-A-Z-y. i squandered it all away...
* I cheated a fella working at Bits and Pieces in Causeway Point yesterday. the guilt is driving me up the wall. my atm card was declined at the store. which meant i had spent 80bucks in 2 days. my nerves were fried. how was i to account to ma mom? Thankf ully, i've gotten thru that, barely scathed. She accepted my wishy-washy.." i realli dunno how the money went" crap. Rite. i realli wanted that ring. its jus a pinky ring. been wanting it since xmas. arguably, it's jus soOo ME. with a butterfly/dragonfly motif. the guy even adjusted it to my size. and its extremely dif to find a ring of size 4. I told him ill be back and i disappeared. im a terrible person.
* yuck. i checked my class roster fer ma soci module. i'm in the SAME class as the very person ive been bitching abt since...aug this year? seriously, its jus such a HUGE turn off whenever i see her around campus. it jus ruins ma ENTIRE DAY. i know i shldnt let anyone possess such control over me, but realli, how can ANYONE BE SO ABSOLUTELY STUPID?? realli. she's impossible. she's not a bimbo. shez a wannabe-bimbo. i would love to look at her and say.." hunny, i KNOW ure dying to make it as an air stewardess but realli, u shld think abt the height factor.. what if they trample all over u in a rush to get out of the plane or the tray runs over you??aww!!!" OR wait...maybe..." ORh..so into modellin rite now? that'll suit u great. I mean, you dun realli need brains to walk or pose fer a pic rite?"
* modelling sucks. i got into the bloody agency so that i cld jus pocket the extra income. A cLient is interested in hiring me aft my last show. Any model wld go head over heels with that. but, im jus plain devastated. it means that i've got to get a portfolio. Which means i need to go fer a photoshoot, with makeup and clothes and poses and SIGHZ...i just dont want to. DAMN DAMN DAMN. why me???? why not the other girls?
* on the brightside, i was at the esplanade last night. THERE were FIREWORKS..it was awfully sweet. I've been makin T angry of late, almost every other time. I'm terribly sorry for that if ure reading this. but realli..thinking of it logically, its jus wad any other person wld hav done.
i'm terribly stressed and sch havent even begun yet
life is a paradox.
and so her story is told@ 11:56 PM
